I love her

Life should have been that simple
To love one and then it be crumpled…
To take pain in arms
To bury pain beneath smiles…
To say “I am fine”
And then shed silent tears…
Lessons leant hard will go forgotten
Future sneers at me as life becomes rotten…
Is it just a passing feeling that fades eternal???
Or it stays dormant and wound me lethal???
So blessed she is… with her smiles reset
Knows for sure she gets only the best…
I too tired and toiled to invest
My tears and time above the crest…
Nothing changes within me deep inside
Waiting to serve her in time and tide…

Love Lost

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco. "Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."

"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.

(A forwarded mail that touched my heart).....

My gifts for you

It’s a bangle I bought for you
Treat not it a shackle…
And my tiara for you is
Not to draw your tears…
The pendent lazed on your heart
Has no plan to break your will apart…
Your finger chose not to wear my ring
Though it’s loaded with joys it would bring…
My stupid gift that’s called necklace
Should not stifle you to breathless…
And the little silver bells I adorned on your ankles
Are not meant to hurt and give you wrinkles…
Could buy only a simple robe
It flows back to me to probe…
Never knew what’s good for you
Can’t see what fits you true…
Dumb what I remain in life
Disappointed you in abundance and rife…

Life goes on

Moving blind to kill the alarm
Rise and shine my prince charm…
Brush and wash and run
Scream and sing loud in bathroom…
Brisk walk to railway station
Push jostle and wait till destination…
Grab a bite and gulp milk pint
Race towards office to start the day’s glint…
Take calls… clear files
Type mails that go miles and miles…
Get dunked in work
Try not to go berserk…
Look at clock and groan in pain
No time for lunch and my tummy strains…
Toll till darkness
Call it a day of madness…
Walk back to train
Reach home inane…
Nimble dinner in absent mind…
All the while dreaming that she is mine
Snap the lights shut
Cover self in quilt…
Look deep in darkness
Cried silent in bitterness…
Life goes on for him
Life goes on for her…
What’s left in heart is…
What they both longed for…

What happened to Cheenaaa???

One might be wondering... What’s wrong with this guy???
Used to be joyful … Now sad dunno why???
With spring in his step and head held high
He raced on earth and soared in sky
Stubborn but sensual… stoic and tender
He slammed at fate as he gleamed in shade
He lived alone and let go all
Some to time... Some to space
His mates are his books… that you find on corners and nooks
He sings loud when he is sad and whispers when he goes mad
He holds himself when he wishes to be hugged
He ruins his day when he is bugged
Someone stole his heart… yet he is rich
With nothing else to lose... he lost his pitch
If at all he goes back to womb
He shall never come back to this life’s tomb


(I do not know the name of the little boy in the picture I posted along with this blog. I thank my friend Nirav in anticipation that he would forgive me for going ahead… using his little cousin’s picture without his permission…

The truth is… when I was a kid… I used to look exactly like this little boy… Especially when mom’s so busy with other chores and could not comb my hair tight and tie it with a black ribbon in to a tiny pony tail)

My heart’s plea

Oh my hands strong
Take care when I am wrong…
Legs mine long
Walk away from love prongs…
Eyes mine silent
Sparkle when she comes in dreams…
Lips mine sweet
Sing her songs in tune…
Ears mine alert
Pity you still wait for her voice…
Nose mine greedy
Still living to smell her fragrance…
Hair my rebellious
You will never change even when she despises…
Skin mine vast
Stays passive… cause no warmth gonna come past…
Fingers mine deft
Remember brushing her silk right and left…
Tummy mine friendly
I will meet her someday… so keep me alive…
Back mine proud
Stand tall to see if she’s around…
Brain mine pensive
Keep options extensive…
Passion mine possessive
Stay low but die never…
Intelligence mine sharp
Grow not dim… there shall be no melodies from love harp…
.
.
.
.
Be with me all of you
Let’s all meet the day
When we all bade her final bye…
And… go away….

Waiting for your call

Winds swept wishes
Waves washed dreams
Storms spun sadness
Quakes called in quite
Rains poured pain
Floods followed suit
Night crept quite
Light laced silent
I am still…
Waiting for your call…

Unfair

Does it feel harsh to plunge the dagger???
Do you need my help rather???
It’s not kind to push me to die and wither
While you try to slip and slither…

Stay with me

Hold my hand…
Don’t let me know that I am in prison
Look in to my eyes…
Even if you wish not to show me the reasons
Wait till I lie down…
You know for sure I will reach my dawn
Don’t leave me alone…
I am still trying to find my boons

My Friends

It’s easy to console
When my word turns upside down
It’s nice to convince
When I am left with nothing but a frown
My pain is not a ground to theorize
My world shattered is not a thing to prioritize
My emotions are not to be seen through logic
My love lost… is not another gimmick
I need a shoulder that’s strong…
Absorbing shocks and whatever went wrong
I need more of silence and less of courage
I pick the scattered pieces of heart from foliage
Don’t get me wrong my friends
I know you are there till the world ends
If only I had the girl I loved…
I would offer you laughter and joy in grand

(To all my friends who are trying to make me smile....)

Prayers

Reeling, brooding and all options searched…
I caressed my heart that’s scorched
Even at the verge of death, you will never be replaced…
I can see my prayers denial disclosed
You shall forget or not…
But you are the one I could never forget not…

(Hey Maachhhh.. The hands are mine and the baby is... The love I developed for you....)

Tears Unrequited

She broke my heart
And turned her back
Won’t she look at my tears???
Or she wishes to hide her own???

You...

Your love is my gourmet delight
Your beauty is my glutton desire
Your voice is music melodious
Your poise is unique and glorious
Now why do you look at me in disgust???
Its puppy love but not frenzy lust…

Hunger

Food fills tummy
Love fills heart
When that girl I love asks…
Did you have your food???
Tummy and heart are filled
And when she stops asking…
I stay hungry
Half eaten… Half rotten…

Now and Then

Then…
You hated me in your weaker moments and loved me when you were stronger

Now…
You will hate me when you are strong and love me… when you feel weak…

She’s gone

Tears in my eyes
Dreams in her eyes…
Stifled cry in my throat
Shuffled joy in her heart…
I slide down on my knees
She raised her sights high…
I looked at her begging
For jewels and life… she started digging…
I told her I will wait
She turned away in swift gait…
I still worship her thoughts
She just discarded my roots…

Please don’t go…

No love in the air
No passion and fire
This ember buried deep within ash
Placid passive but not ready to crash
Warmth of your smile still seeping in
Worth of your words still echoes
I keep your heart in my heart
You sweep my heart out of your heart…

Dreams

Chin in your palm
Elbow on your knee
Twinkle in your eyes
Smiles curling nice
Nod your head in ascent
Moaned sweet in mischief
You trusted not my white lies
But patted my life’s bright side
I basked in your love
I flown in your arms
I snuggled in your hug
I relished your soft kiss
I am sure this must be haven
I scorned every other hell
Slept too long
Till I was awake with a bang
What’s this evil I see all around???
Your shadow is no more seen…

Courage to be honest

Honesty requires courage. I am not making a generic statement as this sentiment was proclaimed a million times earlier. I wish to see this aspect of life in the perspective of my own realism.

After much observation, deliberation and empathy I pragmatically came to a conclusion that virtues extolled in every scripture and hypothesis does not exist. Morals and virtues are relative to what we feel comfortable with respect to our immediate surroundings and social vicinity.

If we sense that an anomaly is overlooked by majority of people we make that attitude ours as well and establish that particular protracted standard as an accepted standard. White lies and silent sins are as common as one buttoning his dress unaware of what lies where.

I even shamelessly proclaim that even within family and friends we tend to deviate from what otherwise haunts us at dark nights questioning our consensus. Now it seems I am using a big word such as “Consensus” to express such a small bit of ignorable fact that’s twisted to suit our objectives. But somewhere deep inside when we introspect ourselves we tend to feel disgusted about what we did… even if we feel it for a moment.

My experience to navigate the rapids of life with no battered ego was not always possible. It’s not just about my ego being battered… but sometimes my comprehended sense of righteousness mauled by complacent people around who were fattened with success and stability.

The present age everything is considered disposable. People buy cloths, cells, computers, upholstery and change interiors and looks as per their whim if they feel they are saturated with the radiated illusion. Life in fast lane is often looked up on as grab every moment that’s something new and something not reachable and discord it once it merges in our reality.

And eventually this attitude becomes a way of life and condonable vice as everyone else is doing the same. Besides… god is always there to forgive us of our sins if we bribe him with worship, offerings and exhibitionism of devotion. Even then we plunge back to our own disgusting gutter called life, ambition, success and power.

Dishonesty creeps in to our lives almost on the same day we open our eyes to his world and try to understand things in blocks. A little baby who looks with big eyes towards an elder and asks some embarrassing question is sweetly rewarded with sugar coated lie. And the baby acquires a wisdom with pride and surety that only gets contradicted when he or she grow up and understand the truth beneath that truth look alike lie. By then they just laugh it off and treat it as developmental process.

Don’t you think this kind of subconscious submission of accepting what’s not right and mild dishonesty is the foundation for the next ascension??? We move a little bit up… a lie that’s little more risky or dangerous and then when we see it’s that that harmful, we recalibrate our moral standards and award it a dark zone called “Margin of error”. Then we may proceed boldly and get hit by our own courage to be honest in a dishonest way.

I am not immune to what I explained above. Instead I will proudly claim that I developed the guts to express my own disgust towards my own acceptable immoral proclivities.

Yet… I dreamt of one person with whom I could be totally honest. It is like an endeavor to discover god by a reluctant atheist. Why not find a single person in our life who is capable of absorbing the cruel, intolerable, indigestible truths of my life on the foundation of courage and perceived honesty???

I did not expect the opposite person to be as honest as me even in those closely guarded area. I just wanted to risk honesty and truth before that select someone and stand defiant of the repercussions that follow like land slide. It is possible that I shall be buried under the rubble of hatred and perhaps never be exhumed alive in form of forgiveness. But it’s also possible that my own closely guarded secret to be honest… to someone special… could also be their own dream.

Lest they be hungry to express their own truths and be absolute honest to someone unknown or unexpected be given credibility in the form of me sacrificing my own image before the altar of their judgment.

I am not sure if such resilience exists in male. But surely I found that quality in females who are courageous to the core deep down. They burst in to flames when their faith towards they love is molested and denied. They explode in hatred and tears when they felt cheated with a lie that looked so truthful. But they also look through their tiding tears that wash the pain of their hearts and cleanse my impure soul. They get soiled while they help me get my heart, head and consensus clear.

And they have the ability to clean their own souls as time pass by.

I am proud to claim that I have few such women in my life.

One of them is the girl I loved dearly and I truly felt purified after I confessed so many disgusting things about me. I felt this ease in my heart because my weakened soul was lighted with spirit of love in return. With whispers sweet sometimes and mute some other time... the foundation to honesty at the remote corner of my heart was built brick by brick. She chose not to be my mate in this marathon race called life. But she knows me inside out and I am not only naked but transparent before her.

Another girl… who now is married and of different nationality gave me such courage though I never met her. Another girl who actually suffered more atrocities from me and still accepted me as someone as her own personnel rag doll despite my devilish demeanor. Apart from these few other female friends who chose to accept my disorientation that’s well canceled with silent appreciation

Courage is offered by these kinds of people. Now to accept their support and be honest is… my responsibility. My efforts are not to become so pure in my life that I shall again be tainted. But I shall keep a small area in my heart so pure and well guarded by discretion and often by skepticism.

Err… Does that make me sound honest???

Hahahahahaha… It still looks confusing and contradicting… right???

Defiance

Believe me… I am not weak
I hate myself every moment I kneel
Trust me… I know that you need to go
I slap and tell myself what I need to know
Think not that I am gone mad
It’s just that I am trying to break my pride apart
Know this for sure…
The steel in my heart is softened by your love
That softer side is corroded by your brittleness
Forget not… You may go away from me but you need love
If not from me… from someone else…
Settle your life for what’s comfortable outside
But I am always there thinking of you… somewhere in your heart’s deeper side….

Fish out of water

Life is like an ocean
Love is like a wave…
I wondered and probed
I entered and mystified…
Riding high and high
I screamed in joy…
On the crescendo final
I was thrown in hell…
I am a little fish dying
On the banks of ocean…
Pushed away by the waves of love
Left with no notion…

Orphaned Velvet

Velvet sheet widowed with jewel gone
Sheen his went pale and he was crumpled alone
Those days he enveloped her as world gaped at her gleam
Her worth set for billions and she was sold so soon
His wrath met his fate, his life pushed towards scorn

Love is…

Love is not for those who leave
Not for those who lose faith
Love is worth nothing for those who try it for fun
They lose it by the time they are done
Love is not for those who dare not risk
To forget what’s sweat blood tears and mist
Love still lives within the tomb of time
Though one gets killed or be mimed
Love is for those who live even after they die…
It’s only for those who cease not to try…

Why???

I am not a feather to glide the winds of fate
Neither I am a mountain to stand stoic
Life is no more a lake placid
Nor an stream churning rapid
Wind that howls at lonely dark nights
Is gathering strength to blow the world apart
Why hast thee leave me???
I can’t live or die free

Up I go… To My Death

I am so happy to see you all happy…
I look so regal in colorful cloths
I am put in a bottle to stand tall
And I look up not knowing that I was ignited
I rise and rise and go up
I noticed not that I was burning beneath
I see you all down screaming and clapping
I feel so elated and inflated
I burst in million flower chunks
I blast in a bloom wide
Yet I know not that I was dying
My eyes grew dark as sky became my silent grave

(On Deewali day I went to the seashore as usual. To watch people celebrate and burn their money in the name of joy. I hate to see money is burnt that way, but nothing much could be done as it’s the most glamorous way to celebrate this festival in India. I also saw rockets zooming up and die in a flame burst. I just wondered if they are alive and they have hearts… I wrote the above)

You Are My Angel

Let not love obscure your dreams
Let not heart mute your silent screams
Let not doubt ride your head
Let there by light that shows path ahead
I shall kneel before you to step and leap
I mind not keep my heart concealed
I know how bitter are your tears
I won’t let world push you in to tears
I stand for your rights
I stand as your knight
What you need is what you get
All I want to see is your smile set…

Don’t Forget Me

You will adorn the dreams of a stranger
Light up his life for the eons to come…
You will fill his laps with riches of smiles
Stock his heart with billion blooms…
You will make his world beautiful
See that he remains safe…
You rip your womb and give him his life’s extension
You nurture his future till he becomes proud…
You stay busy remaining always below
And you forget someone… who prayed for all of the above…

I'm Sorry - John Denver

Happy Deewali to Maacheena

Diyas front and diyas back…
Diyas welcoming prsperity and peace
Diyas lighting your home and adornin your room
Let your life and selff sparkle this Deewali
Yet one diya lone…
Wishes you love… as it burns

Alive Still

In the grave of time… her love for Cheena is buried…
Deep in her heart though he is not dead
Her dreams for him made relics…
Though they faded not yet
For the world her love extinguished…
For Cheena… it shall remain distinguished…

Loosing Track of Life

I ran forward not looking back with her hand in my hand
I laughed out loud not finding a cause bland…
I could close my eyes in sleep and opened them for her dreams
I cared not if I would slip and wash away in tears streams…
And I stopped to take a breath… to look at her in my breast
She has gone…while I was gliding on…
I ripped my own heart to see if she is hidden somewhere deep down
I still am sifting through my life’s lanes…
I am dying to see her there again
I can’t see anything as my eyes brim…
May be she is right beside me with a smile grim
I love her a lot…
Ooh providence… Forget this not…

Daughter – Sweet Memories

This was a sweet argument that took place between me and the girl I love.

Perhaps like any other couple we sometimes used to argue about things and never used to come to a common consensus. But this argument was not such.

I have this dream of having a daughter after I get married to the girl I loved. She does not have such kind of bias with respect to her inbuilt maternal instinct. Yet I wanted to enforce my desire over her impartiality. Now to make her understand my point, I confessed that I envy her father.

With twinkle in her eyes and smile on her face she asked why.

It’s obvious… I told her… For he is the person who saw her (My girl) born with her eyes, lips and fists tightly close shut in a pink bundle of joy. Felt her innocently pure looks smile and probing with her little fingers pushing them deeper in to his eyes mouth… Tugged at her hair, collar, hands and legs… Slept on his chest and tummy… screamed when he left to office in throwing tantrums… Had his heart broken with big tears in her eyes when he first left her at school… Snuggled against his warmth when he was sick or she was sick… Rebelled at him in anger and pain when she started differentiating innocence from reality… But remained loyal and loving to his father…whatever she did at the end of the day…

I told my girl that I missed her through the years bygone. Missed her because I was not there in her life at that time. Missed her because she had her own greatest lover because of whom she never had to think about any another lover. Missed her because her father would have killed me in his hot blooded fury, if he happens to know that I love her…

Now that I wish to reclaim what I lost…

I am so greedy to get everything from her. I am so famished relish every moment she must have radiated in her life since the day she was born.

I cannot turn the wheel of time back. But I can have her give me a daughter through whom I shall get whatever I wanted. I shall also be able to see how my daughter would have broken my heart after she grows and go away with her loved one… the way my girl would break her father’s heart when she chooses live her life with me…

That’s why… I told my girl…that I wanted a daughter from her…

She smiled and said nothing.

But… at the end… she preferred to remain loyal to her father…

May god bless her and her father…

I still envy her father…

True Lies

To break heart in the middle with truth is merciful…
Than to maul heart bit by bit with lies…

Cactus

I stand tall and majestic
In the winds of desert...
I face around wilderness vast
But cringe not downcast...
I gather love from land and wind arid
Blessed with a lover… A bloomed little flower…
She swayed and smiled
Then left this cactus alone amid...
I stand tall and majestic
In the winds of desert...

Paradox

True love is a benchmark of stupidly
Stupidity could be an element of innocence
Innocence is the foundation of purity
Purity is something ambition hates
Ambition leads life to success
Success makes one stand so proud
Pride pushes one to loneliness
Loneliness makes you long for love
Love demands truth... And
True love is a benchmark of…

What a paradox???

Quandary

Flowers looking so young and fresh…
Know not if they caress the lips of a lover…
Or stand tall beside a dead mortal in mourning…

Loner

My arms embrace my heart
My lips curl on the rings you gave…
My hair is brushed by your fragrance
My eyes filled with your smiles…
I don’t feel alone… though I am…

When you decide to hate someone you love

Why one would hates someone???

That reasons that generally come across my crocked mind are…

1. When you realize you can’t reach what they attained and still want it badly
2. When you find not a way to get back what you lost and loved so dearly
3. When you think that someone took advantage of your loved one and yet you could not do anything about it
4. And… I ran out of reasons and I don’t know why you would hate someone…

And recently I happen to discover a new possibility for someone… to hate someone they loved. Especially when someone is trying to get rid of the bondage of love you generously shared and received from them. The reasons may not be totally egoistic. But sometimes hatred is a tool that could effectively be employed to make someone go away from you. A kind of counter equation or an anti-theory that simplifies the process of getting rid of emotional burden that’s created and nurtured by good will and good faith over a period of time in the name of love.

Ironically… I compare that with getting rid of the dirt, grim and sweat after you worked hard to create something beautiful in life….and then go take a shower and become fresh and… hate your soiled cloths. If you still love your cloths you will wash them and use them and if you think they served their purpose… you just get rid of them. Quite possible that often you find yourself in a dilemma and could not quite get rid of them but start hating them. And one fine day your hatred towards what served you would make you banish your propensity to love them and… simply dump them in garbage.

Perhaps the above example I so commonly practiced and hence… so insipid in accepted comprehension. Perhaps we must get rid of all those things that made us sweat and dirty and look towards the next day that again makes us sultry and dirty.

Personal relations found on emotions are sometimes subjected to this strange paradox. You deliberately start hating a friend or feel like wiping your heart clean of your long time lover. I am not talking about people who spring right beside you through family and kin. I am talking about those ideal specimens you find in your life invited or uninvited but… accepted with your heart.

Now why do we hate someone whom we loved in past or… Love still???

When you ware out the protective layer of love in your heart that buries your fears and frustrations or disagreements that are not appealing to you within that person you love. When you wish to develop a new layer of love for someone else in your heart flushing out all the negative emotions of the person you loved earlier and ensure that he or she goes away in pain or disgusted or humiliated, you will tear the layer of love you developed… and hate the one you love.

A deepest observation made by someone unknown person to me predicts that one falls in love with a personality… but must live with the character. I think living with the character of the personality we love is what amounts to true love. The character that’s developed over the crust of ego and laced with pragmatic experiences sure makes someone unyielding and unbreakable unless they realize who they are and what they are. And I believe it could not be totally achieved.

Most of the times what we feel comfortable with our own selves may not be truly appreciated by someone just because they are in love with us. An invisible fissure is developed there and stays dormant awaiting further pressure of intolerance as we take life and relation for granted.

That’s why I feel one must not take love for granted. It has to be given virgin importance every time we happen to confront it. We need to understand that when we try to make someone we love so comfortable we must push our ego to the deepest limit of our heart’s recess. Telling them again and again how deeply you love them may not always be treated romantic. Sometimes the sparkle of love ebbs as people feel that they are satiated with that experience. This will happen most of the time when the relation is further cemented with social and legal acceptance in the form of marriage.

Sadly we cannot sustain a relation within our society unless it’s licensed with marriage, unlike European countries. It’s a collective paranoia within the society that drags everyone off their feet and push them deep in to the core of hypocrisy.

I do not mingle freely with anyone. Part of the reason… it is my character trait and the other is… an unspeakably disgusting attitude of people who are married and suspicious over my single status. I prefer not to please anyone in case I need to mask my real self… but I noticed that everyone is relaxed a bit when I confessed that I am deeply in love with someone. It must have given a hope to see me come towards their cluster one fine day.

Now when I am confronted with a harsh truth that the girl I loved so intensely and honestly… prefer not to be associated with me for her own valid or invalid reasons… I went blank with no imaginable solution within sight. Faith and optimism could not quite help me as this girl headed towards a noncommittal hatred. She claims not though but she feels so irked when I get an opportunity to tell her that I love her so much. She asks me that’s it’s not necessary to say things like that to her when we speak which is getting reduced to a rarity.

Now… what do I do???

Do I interpret her apathy or mildly mounting irritation as… hatred??? I know that I have some qualities that elicit disapproval but I think I was never successful in reaching any pinnacle of hate worthy character traits. How could someone decide to hate someone they loved so much???

I think it had to be done against their will. Especially when there is not reasonable parameter that widens the fissure of character related disapproval??? If they find an alternative to the person they loved, do they not discover some other fissure that’s unknown to them earlier while the earlier inconvenience is wiped out in some way???

So… what’s the way out???

It is very tough to encounter someone who starts hating you when both of you were actually in love … in past. Now the way love reciprocates love does not mean that suspicion reciprocate suspicion or apathy reciprocates apathy. I think this is where one must swallow stupid pride and stay balanced. One must have faith and try smiling. Often the victim shall be forced in to silence… that kind of silence that is so corrosive when relations are strained. All we need to recall is the sweet moments we shared with our loved once and not a single thing that pulled us back to the constrictive shells of our egos.

Just to pray for those who are so perplexed about their priorities and be there just nearby to… go running towards them when their need is crystallized for us. This moment may not come immediately. But I still expect to live for a few more decades. And I will love her all the time and… be ready to go towards her… when her apathy fades and… her hatred disintegrates…

My heart…

Badly broken…. Yet functional
Madly mauled… by truth so cruel….
Deeply stabbed… memories and nails…
Sadly moaned… eyes wide with pain in hails…

Your Warmth In My Pyre

Warmth of your lap
Is yet not forgotten
With rags beneath my neck
And thoughts of you in my heart
Even pyre feels welcoming…

Heartless... I am...

To go away from you…
Not turning to see if you are still there…
I must be heartless… Sure I am…
I gave my heart to you… nevertheless…