Standing At Cross Roads On Valentine Day

The realization of inadequate self in every heart makes one look outwards to search for the soul mate. I always was not observant about the value of a relation at an objective level. When I was a kid I used to think that friends are there always whether you need them or not. All you need to do is run out of home and in to the street and friends swarm from all corners to play and run around. Never thought of assigning value to a friend ship till materialistic, emotional and spiritual needs aroused in life.

When lead by the next inevitable stage nudging us towards opposite sex as blooming youth inserts many favorable aspects, we either are overwhelmed by choice or constricted by ideals. Cultural context and its subsequent evolution though westernization and expression of freedom is further fueling this dilemma about what is right in absolute sense but what is right only for us.

Too baffling… isn’t it???

Somehow I feel it is becoming an accepted social norm to put one’s social safety and material convenience on the front line before love. People prefer not to waste time beyond a point in assessing a prospect for life time devotion towards companionship. The options before them are too many and too easy. Above and all developing flexibility within the human psyche is contributing monumentally in reorienting one self and making one resilient in moving ahead after dumping emotional baggage in garbage heap.

I am not sure if I must call this love.

I learnt that loving someone is not just exhilarating. Its heart ripping at times and make one run away… from… oneself. And where could one run away from oneself??? It brings your belief structure and temperament to a grinding halt when ego exerts a crushing force between the transmission of emotion and foundation of faith.

Like a limping giant that’s enervated from deathly blow one tries to stabilize when they realize that blindness in love fades and reality again smiles cruelly in to your face. Suddenly we are confronted with more important things in life. Our gratitude towards our parents and our commitment towards our ambitions… and we realize that we are not super humans to relinquish all these for someone who is worthy in terms of making us smile.

Is love an emotion that has shelf life in its peak performance and fades to normalcy and idle when time an age creeps on us??? Or does it distinguish between the seeping lethargy and tiding enthusiasm??? Is it based on our sense of youthful thinking in which we always strive to get the best in terms of looks, attraction, intelligence, power and usefulness???

Or do we go monotonous if we embed our hearts in what we believe in??? Do we need to keep our senses alert to notice that we are taken for granted when we devote ourselves so much towards a single person???

My impetuous and adamant faith in believing that love is to be nurtured every new moment like it is to be nurtured like a new born infant seem always turned out to be counter productive. When I repeatedly claimed to someone that I love them a million times in a day, my stupidity was laughed at and reprimanded that one need not echo the same sentiments every time, lest they get fermented towards boredom.

This revelation is incomprehensible to me even today. How could you blend an ever evolving energy in to the closet of life and try to acknowledge its existence in mute??? I refuse to take love for granted. I voice my disagreement veraciously and scream at people who say otherwise. I wish to look at my lover with wide eyes that are shy and glinting every time I look at her. I wish to feel the tremors of my own heart as she looks back at me in equal passion… every time… she looks at me… I wish… she leaves her real world, in real world… and live with me all alone in our own world. I wish she see what I see and make me see what she sees…

The external impediment is omnipresent society. The social matrix that is too influenced by rhetoric of life and its demands could not quite digest what’s happening right in front of them. They motivate themselves with irrevocable hatred towards some one who loves as their strength makes these elders remember what they could not perform in their younger days. What is more surprising is even when they rebelled in their own youth they get mellowed by the contagious perspective in which they no more empathize with their children.

Even valentine needs to know that his responsibility not just ends at linking estranged lovers in this modern world. He needs to understand that love is not just a unique emotion anymore that hath its own autonomy over a person’s heart. It is pushed in the long list of priorities as one of the components. He needs to understand that even cupid’s arrows get ricocheted after they deeply go though hearts.

And here I am… standing at cross roads… looking at Saint Valentine… who is guiding people in love towards the directions they must take. He is too busy to notice me that… I am alone…