A few days ago I had to leave the home in which I have been living from past five years. Its rented and actually shared with few other people. It’s located at a colony that’s not worth being proud of. The home itself is old. With rickety wooden staircase and antique electric switches that activate an ever singing fan with its own generated rhythm of bearing noises, it used to exude a comfort level that used to give me a sense of placid feeling.
The owners… an elderly couple who are comfortably retired never used to bother me with the usual premonition based authority. I am not sure what’s stored in my future but it’s definitely one of the best times I enjoyed in my life being a hermit.
In fact that home and its offered piece made me a little reckless in accumulating what I always wanted not to be burdened with. For some unfathomable reason I thought I would never leave that home and I found the place that’s meant for me. I bought books in quantity abundance and started being arrogant in expressing my concealable displeasures over people who used to support me and hurt me at the same time.
It’s an amusing paradox that with all decisions made in my life about aloofness and celibacy. I thought I should be a roving nomad who carry a few bare essentials and move at any given point of time with no fuss.
The inner obstinacy to not let anything that was loyal to me be left abandoned, I seem to have fallen in love with so many unanimated things. I cannot see a book being ignored or its pages torn in insolent manner. I still am ferocious over those who treat my books with less respect.
But when I started packing all of them and looked at those gigantic boxes, I cringed in fear within. They looked so happy to be for they were not sold or abandoned. But I tortured every muscle of my body in transporting them to a new place. And perhaps their presence made me change my own stand in being minimal in life.
Now I want a place that’s exclusively for me and not to be shared with anyone. And the saddest truth is I am not really sure if I could afford to lease such place. I still am on the run hiding my head in the nests of kind friends.
The owners… an elderly couple who are comfortably retired never used to bother me with the usual premonition based authority. I am not sure what’s stored in my future but it’s definitely one of the best times I enjoyed in my life being a hermit.
In fact that home and its offered piece made me a little reckless in accumulating what I always wanted not to be burdened with. For some unfathomable reason I thought I would never leave that home and I found the place that’s meant for me. I bought books in quantity abundance and started being arrogant in expressing my concealable displeasures over people who used to support me and hurt me at the same time.
It’s an amusing paradox that with all decisions made in my life about aloofness and celibacy. I thought I should be a roving nomad who carry a few bare essentials and move at any given point of time with no fuss.
The inner obstinacy to not let anything that was loyal to me be left abandoned, I seem to have fallen in love with so many unanimated things. I cannot see a book being ignored or its pages torn in insolent manner. I still am ferocious over those who treat my books with less respect.
But when I started packing all of them and looked at those gigantic boxes, I cringed in fear within. They looked so happy to be for they were not sold or abandoned. But I tortured every muscle of my body in transporting them to a new place. And perhaps their presence made me change my own stand in being minimal in life.
Now I want a place that’s exclusively for me and not to be shared with anyone. And the saddest truth is I am not really sure if I could afford to lease such place. I still am on the run hiding my head in the nests of kind friends.
Wish me luck please… for the sake of my beloved books...
2 comments:
there's indeed no place like home
Honey... I have no home... Every home is like ONE NIGHT STAND for me... To be envoloped in love by it.... And to leave it... Move away......
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