Skepticism In Internet Relations

I see an amount of hypocrisy and paradox in the idea above. I invite your view points with your confirmed observations in this area. And I definitely understand your views would reflect the statistical superiority of your learning.

Not all people are blessed extroverts. In today’s tough world people need to develop skills bypassing their own true image. The so called soft skill over every employment is pivoted on makes one force their senses accelerate towards a confirmed impression towards a person opposite.

I really am not comfortable with this. I feel the natural process of emotional growth must not proliferate like a malignant cell. Communication media and realty shows are bringing out the best… in best and, indisputably bring out the worst in worst. The outcome is laughed at instantly and forgotten within no time later.

I am referring to those who try to be extroverts all of a sudden.

Now in real life when we develop personal relations we always go through the checklist of things that fall in the purview of our comfort level. Physical proximity, appeal and equal social status, educational compatibility, peer groups, referrals and introductions lubricate the process of building personal relations.

Now fortifying the relation towards a reliable level is something over which no one could claim authenticity. Neither this situation needs to be scorned upon. Life always comes up with unreasonable and weird demands that brings paradigm shift in the attitude of people. By the time this wisdom sinks in either you are irreversibly neurotic or reach an age where even personal relations does not matter.

My point… my friends, is… why relations developed upon Internet are subjected to harsher skeptisim???

Sure this world is filled with wolves in sheep’s clothing and on internet the wolves rather stay wolves and don sheep’s clothing as and when it suits them. The same quintessential characters are there in real life too. The possibility to detect their darker side is not always possible or timely. But in internet relations understanding a person is easier, as my experience says.

First thing first you have to be exceptionally brilliant to guide someone towards confidence who generally considered equally brilliant. (I am not talking about… Hi… ASL Types). When I discovered chat… I was so scared even to try meeting people who are not there before me physically. The sentences scrolling across the chat window always made me feel inadequate as I see unbiased gallantry in their approach towards making friends.

It was ridiculously embarrassing to confess that in those nascent days of my interaction in chat rooms was so pathetic that I used to enter a chat room and wait for someone to make friendship to me. Besides I decided irrevocably that I shall not chat with males on chat. I need to develop my own skills at least… at a virtual level in making a girl talk to me.

I was not guided by anyone with any tips. I thought and innocently simple question about the impression that radiated from the chosen chat name would be a best bet to start with. I used to ask the meaning of their names and as to why they found that name appealing. I used to inject my own open ended questions that started crystallizing a comfort level between us and usually laced with politeness.

This earned me a few good friends. Then I tried other method of being so rebellious with no evil intent. I tried project myself as someone who is untamable. Even this attitude blessed me with a few very good friends on internet.

Now I reached such a stage that I no more look out for people eagerly but I chose my friends on net with utmost care. It’s not about condescending those who fit not my expectations. Perhaps they are better off with someone of their own kind. Besides preserving and nurturing the most beautiful (Read… emotionally and intellectually beautiful) people is something that consumes my senses time and attention their well deserved time.

Yet… there is a possibility that life push them towards a vortex they intend not to be sucked in.

Now the reason I started this tirade is some of my friends still are skeptic about me as a person to accept in to their fold. It brings a smile embarrassing on my face but my heart takes a step back and braces itself to climb even steepest mountain.

Sure the inputs given by physical and social proximity validates what one feels about another. But internet friendship for me is like a beautiful dream. A dream that’s not just a dream but the fellow perpetrator of this endearing conspiracy is live and kicking somewhere on the other part of the world.

I open myself to them like a gush of wind and envelop them in swirling tornado. If they could survive that I go down like a softer breeze that caress their heart pleasantly and I try no more to be someone bombastic. It’s like unwinding in to green room after performing on stage. Not all people would go greet someone who looks so insipid in green room with no glitters adorned. But if they do, they make one feel elated to the point of inspiration.

I see no variation in meeting people and making friends out of them in real life and on internet. Besides now days no one is that glib to fall flat on their face so easily, as premonition has became a second nature in society that’s a race track for each and every individual to compete with each other.

Trusting someone always is an unconfirmed investment. For me it’s always confirmed because on internet I chose to find female friends. They are by nature trustworthy and honest. They reserve the right to be skeptic about people they get interested in. Because if they are not interested in someone, that someone is a dumped dead mean on garbage heap already. They sieve my head and heart like a flint stone segregator at quarry and decimate my attitude in to manageable chunks. When they are very angry with me they scream “Whatever” an expletive equivalent to a female’s way to say F’ Off.

But they are so endearing in their treatment towards me. Be it for a while or be it life long. I am indebted to their affection though I might never see them in my real life. I always sleep with a smile tucking my palms beneath my right cheek as I sleep side ways and thinking of all those things they ask me as to why must they trust them. And I plan my devious plots for the next opportunity to make them shed their suspicion and love me even ferociously. But… Oh god… these females have an instinct that’s faster than the ICBM detection radar that’s embedded in start wars program.

(Ohh yeah… Are you listening to me??? I wrote this only for you…)

Physical Fitness In Romance

(Thank you Anne Geddes... For the wonderful picture)

Such a weird subject to talk about. Isn’t it girls???... and Guys???

I wonder why this particular aspect is always ignored when emotional cocktail brews within our heart in the name of love. Surely when love blinds you long after brain decided that… Awe… she is some dish (No disrespect meant to women, but we males think like that) or he is some Adonis.

In our Indian movies they show lots of physical activity in expressing love on screen. Please do not misinterpret this as the lots of physical activity shown in Hollywood movies. They last not more than a few minutes either because of genuine physical exertion reasons or censor board related reasons.

What I meant was the marathon run both hero and heroine makes towards each other from at least five hundred meters on opposite sides. Some times they sprint if the director feels he does not have time to extend the scene or some times they run towards each other in slow motion till the director finishes his mid day nap on sets. They always disappointed me when they converge towards each other and hug with no huff puff in their breath. Or perhaps their respiration already stopped and I could not quite gather that they are half dead in their enacted embrace.

Another thing I wonder is hero lifting heroin who weighs a ton (Our culture likes not fashion TV models to be movie heroines) and gyrates on his central axis without slipping not even a single disc in his spinal cord.

Ohh my God!!!

How could that be possible in real life??? I went back to study physics and anatomy to verify facts. My profound concern in this matter also made me refer subjects like emotions and their repercussions on the physical well being of human anatomy and Bio-Mechanics too. When life is too cruel in not making you capable of carrying the grocery bag filled with your wife’s preference how could you possibly end up lifting her against the earth’s gravity, four feet off the ground??? (I heard that for every kilogram that needs to be listed against earth’s gravity requires 10HP)

I am not married. So don’t get ideas about the validity of my observations. But observation is what enhances knowledge. I saw many of those couples who are close to me. My friend and his wife, my uncle and his wife, my friend and her boy friend and my friend and his girl friend. I dared not so far to express my quandaries to my friends who are licensed to clear them with their own experiments. My male friends egos might be inflated to explain me about the intricacies involved in lifting life partner but not getting the spinal discs slipped (I strongly suspect if they ever tell me the truth in this matter)

Love perhaps leaves it stringent norms when one gets married. People tend to forget that they must look irresistible to their lovers as earlier and for ever. Once they get married they elevate the intensity of love to the highest degree and stuff their partners with high calorie food. Or get stuffed by their peers and extended family as the pair looks cute in their nascent image of love blooming unabridged.

And it’s too endearing to look at pairs who look at each other and not looking at their fat layers that over flow the dikes of their waists. I find a perceptibly slight bulge around the creamy waist arousing but its extended enthusiasm in flowing further snaps my sense of libido.

These later developments on physique actually diminish the unique attributes the other physical parameters that makes one go mad in desire. The most enjoyable part of our life… our childhood and youth is already blessed with physical ability to cope mistreatment towards our own body by ourselves. But the day metabolic rate stops one must take a deep breath and take owes of celibacy towards eating rich and indiscriminate. Physical exercise is also is an essential element that keeps everything within the lines. But who would explain that to people who gets married. They are too complacent in performing exercises that are just calorie burners and not muscle builders or fat churners and definitely last for a few passionate seconds and Puff… the engines go idle.

Hehehehehe…

Don’t you think it’s a thought provoking blog??? I must be honest in making my own specifications clear here… for the readers to know me better. I am five feet seven inches tall and weigh seventy kilograms and perfectly fall within the recommended body mass index. I have a perfect 32 inch waist which I plan not to increase even a micron. (Some people within my heart misinterprets 32 as 36… may god bless them right sense of sight and good understanding towards linier or circular measure). And I feel my body shape is OK if not Adonis like. And I seem to have developed a baby paunch. I am a bit divided over this, wondering if this is pretty or ugly or pretty ugly. Because when I visit museums and look at roman sculptures of males I see similar paunches on them they have these chiseled bodies.

Think it over… my esteemed friends…

Diabolic Innocence

Too incredible to be credible…right???

Believe me... It exists and I was the victim of it. Not once but two times. I was a victim to diabolic innocence, where the innocence of two sweet little girls made my life miserable. This did not deter me from deviating from the one and only truth I learnt in life. My one and only discovery that, “Innocence is the only emotion left unpolluted”.

I prefer not to take names in the first case. Because if this blog gets discovered by the participants of that even they again might find ways to make minced meat out of me. On the long shot this event looks so adorable though it has steaks of stupidity entwined in pigheaded approach towards exploiting innocence.

Ok… enough of metaphors.

I used to have this pal who is an automobile industry professional. I often used to go meet him at his office and in one such an occasion I was introduced to his superior. He is a guy after our heart though his official capacity is higher than my own friend. We became friends and become close enough meet and call often. Our company always used to end up with a sense of mutual respect and affection.

One such day this superior invited both of us for lunch on weekend. We reached his home around eleven O’ clock and were so pleased to be introduced to his beautiful wife and pretty kids. The girl was about four years of age and the boy was three. Being a lover of children I took to them in no time and made best friends out of them. Soon we were (I mean little girl, little boy and me were so busy that we preferred to ignore the existence of elders around and try discovering things from discarded shoes to mucking dirt with wooden twigs.

When their parents were concerned about implementing hurdles towards their investigative abilities in the name of hygiene I vehemently shielded them from this atrocious adult misinterpretation. I told them that right now we were not mucking dirt but trying to uncover and civilization that’s buried beneath the layers of time and soil. The parents of the children gaped at me for a while as the children themselves sensed a symptom of victory which they rejoiced. Then both of them jumped in my lap and we shared so many things from picture book stories to sweet kisses.

It was a pleasurable day and we had a sumptuous lunch that’s prepared by my friend’s superior wife and retired in to post noon laze. While the parents and my own friend were busy watching television the same room, I resumed my philosophical debate with children. After a while I reached the ascension of my wicked self.

I looked the little boy and asked him to pay back my kisses. He dutifully gave me kisses on my cheeks and I was disappointed. I expected some resistance but he seem to be too innocent and there was no hesitation on his part to make me happy.

Now I tried the same trick on his elder sister who is just one year elder. She looked at me with her big eyes and baffled expression. Had I asked her just to give me a kiss she might have given. But I made it look like some kind of unfinished transaction.

I asked her… Gimme back all those kisses I gave you in the morning. She looked at me suspiciously and perhaps could not distinguish weather I was asking for her favorite doll. This one is shrewd and surely she must have inherited the genetic traits of her dad who is a General Manager in a reputed automobile firm.

She asked what kisses.

I told her the same kisses I gave you in the morning.

She said she did not receive any kisses from me.

I told her she is cheating and she must return my kisses.

(By the time everyone in the room became curious about our conversation and the parents were in a way happy to see their daughter effectively deflecting my tirade).

She said but she returned my kisses immediately.

I told her she is busy in mucking dirt and hence did not given my kisses back.

She said she gave all my kisses back.

Then I asked her little brother who was rocking on my back like a little monkey if he has seen her giving me back my kisses.

He said no.

Then I looked again at the girl and said… “See… you did not give my kisses back. And you must not keep what belongs not to you, with you”

This frontal attack by me and her little brother made that girl hesitate in her resolve. (Her parents were giggling by this time).

She said in a meek tone…” But I don’t have any kisses”

I said…”Does that matter??? You go get kisses from somewhere or anywhere, but give me my kisses back… Right now and right here”

She was truly bewildered at this predicament. She looked at parents for support but there was none except for tight smiles.

And she took a deep breath and suddenly smiled. I was a fool and underestimated her.

She looked at me brightly and said… “I give lots of kisses to my mom every day. You could go ask her for a few kisses and get my account settled”

There was a pin drop silence in the room and I could here my heart thumping inside my torso trying to run towards railway station long before my body carried by my wobbling legs for my physical safety.

My pal opened his mouth wide. My pal’s GM’s wife giggled and hidden her face in hands and ran away to next room. My GM friend flared his nostrils like angry Hippo and bared his deadly long teeth. I was looking at him with my mouth wide open like an African alligator that was about to be trampled by this five ton animal whose weight is compounded by irreversible anger.

I could here his teeth grinding till they lost the dentine coat and he screamed at me. You moron… don’t you know what you must speak to a child and then he charged towards me probably to knock of my own teeth.

But I was quick enough to run for safety and my own pal followed suit. We did not turn back till we reached the safe embryo of moving train with both of our tails tucked tight between our hind legs.

A few days afterwards I met this gentleman and I apologized. He laughed off and said that it’s the most educative experience he ever had in understanding his own children. And he is also happy to realize how intelligent his daughter is becoming.

I met these good people a few times afterwards but I dared not kiss that little girl ever again for any reason.

In another such an incidence I was playing with two little girls of my uncle aged six and four. Their dad was at his office and mom went out for shopping leaving her children’s safety in my able hands. We played for a while running around the home and after a while we suddenly hit upon an idea to fight in mocking way.

I gyrated by butt and limbs in all possible obnoxious poses that other wise I interpreted as Kungfu moves and tried scaring those two girls. They were not sacred at all. They throw punches and kicks with their own little hands and legs. It went for a while and suddenly I hit upon an idea… as usual with my wickedness.

When these two little girls hit on my tummy in mock punch, I staggered and…clutched my tummy in great pain, contorted my face and screamed in blood cuddling way and fallen on floor.

The girls giggled and tried pull me back to my feet but I stiffened my body and let not their strength move me an inch. They were still giggling when they realized that I was acting dead.

I pushed my tongue out of my mouth in a crooked angel to emphasize that I was dead by their punch. They tried tickling my ribs and making me laugh, and tried scratching the soles of my bare feet and making me wince in pleasure but I decided to stay paralyzed. They tried inserting gross blades in to my nostrils to make me sneeze and somehow I could even manage not sneezing.

They tried every trick they knew for almost half an hour. I was not budging at all.

It was the young girl whose imagination worked first. She looked at her elder sister (who is also a little girl) and asked if Cheenu is really dead. The elder looked uncertain and then suggested the younger one that they should find out if I really was dead.

It was the most endearing scene. Their words were with concern first… asking me to get up and apologizing for punching me in tummy. Then they blamed each other for my assumed death. Then the little on started crying. After a few seconds even the elder started crying. I was struggling hard to keep smile off my face in my death mask. The pitch of their wailing reached the peak in a few minutes and suddenly the door banged open.

My aunt… the momma bear... Not only in spirit but in shape too... was there with groceries and newly bought broom. She came running to her daughters and asked what happened. They sobbed and hugged their mom and told her that they killed me by punching in my tummy.

I could not contain any more. I exploded in to laughter. And was rolling on floor as those two little girls glared at me though their sparkling eyes filled with tears.

My aunt was enraged to the point of no return. She trusted me with the happiness and safety of her little girls and I made them cry. She stepped back and picked that brand new broom she bought and…

I let my words trail off here after… leaving everything to your imagination.

Believe me friends. Sometimes you may find innocence diabolic too… even if you are an evil participant in that

Rats

Nagpur is a wonderful city. Wide roads and smiling people cheap and delicious food. Climate could be a pleasant cold to scorching heat and pouring rain. I was there for a few days on the account of some office related work meeting a client.

After being drained of all those hectic schedules I had nothing else to do than wait for next morning to catch flight back home. I thought I would go watch movie at a local theater.

I am truly disgusted at the extravagance and opulence oozes out of so called Multiplex theaters that are good in making money and allowing the rich to get rid of their money the way God’s mysterious ways work. Two hundred and fifty bucks for a ticket, 25 fucking rupees for a half cup of watery tea that must be weaker than what they serve in solitary confinement and fifty filthy rupees for a bottle of fizz drink that sure makes you gush out all your indigestion about the exploitation.

I started hating that long back and loathed even intensely when I realized that the capitalistic forces of the world chose to rob me in a legal but novel way. They started playing Hollywood movies in English at Multiplexes only. I gritted my teeth but let not my ego go haywire. I stamped my feet and sneered at their might like David laughed at Goliath.

Ohh yeah... I would rather stop watching movies than getting robbed in broad day light over which they even issue me a receipt. But then there seem to be some die hard movie theater owners who struggled harder to get those movies in single screen theater that are affordable to me. And after a while they too succumbed.

Looking at this trend the devious forces of capitalism came up with an idea to rob me again. They started dubbing English movies in to Hindi. And these are played at single screen theaters that are affordable to me.

But it is unspeakable pain to gape at Kate Winslet and Tom Cruise scream “Hey Bhagavaan” in place of “Oh Shit”. Slowly I started relishing this paradigm shift in sensory clash and started enjoying the spectacle the way a lunatic laughs at the world in general.

In the most recent 007 movie “The Quantum of Solace” MI6 Chief says “Bond… Tum doston aur dushamnon ke beech ke antar samzhneki maanasik santhulan khoobhaite hoo” (Means… Bond you lost your sense isn distinguishing between friends and foes) Yikess…. & Hahahahahaha…..

What ever…

So… what I was telling you guys is that I went to watch this movie “Raj Tilak” (Otherwise in English its known as In the name of The King) starring Jason Statham, Lile Sebeisky and so on.

When I looked at the ticket rates my eye balls rolled out of my skull sockets and I had to grope for them on floor to push them back where they belong to. Believe me… the entry tariff is a mare 20/30/50 bucks. The highest class is four times lesser than the lowest class in a Multiplex..

I was a little skeptic at this illusion that was no lesser than reality. So I victimized myself willingly at a cost of 30 bucks. And when I entered the theater the seating is not exactly plush or opulent but of utilitarian and Spartan. That’s OK with me. I am here to watch another tirade that either makes me laugh my head of or laugh… my head off.

Now I wish not to talk about the movie. Don’t ask me why…

But I turned my head around in between and to my utter astonishment I discovered that people sitting on my right side were so boorish enough keep their feet on front row seat backs. I seethed with anger and wanted to straighten their attitude. But the army of people on right side looked great enough to risk my bones and tendons an unwarranted assault. Hence I looked towards my left side for the much needed moral support of those non existent gentlemen who were sitting with their feet on floor like me.

Yikes… even the lefties were sting with their feet high in the air. And a quick scan 360 degrees in horizontal plane made me realize that I am a dwarfed Davis sitting amid armies of Goliaths. I sulked and resumed watching movie.

After a few moments my peripheral vision caught some movement on floor. It was conspicuous enough to distract my attention from movie and I looked. A burly mass at the size of a small pig was scurrying slowly between the walk way. I could not quite fathom who would pay money to creep on floor instead of watching a movie. Further inspection revealed that what ever it is… it was not alone. Few other esteemed community members too was relishing the leftovers on floor in utter defiance to the superiority of human beings present.

My heart gripped in the clod clutch of fear when I realized what those things are…

What the heck… I told myself….

And I put both of my feet on the front row seat backs….

(Don’t laugh… OK?????)

A Poem by a Bengali School Teacher

Through the jongole I am went
On shooting Tiger I am bent
Boshtaard Tiger has eaten wife
No doubt I will avenge poor darling's life
Too much quiet, snakes and leeches
But I not fear these sons of beeches
Hearing loud noise I am jumping with start
But noise is coming from damn fool's heart
Taking care not to be fright
I am clutching rifle tight with eye to sight
Should Tiger come I will shoot and fall him down
Then like hero return to native town
Then through trees I am espying one cave
I am telling self - "Bannerjee be brave"
I am now proceeding with too much care
From far I smell this Tiger's lair
My leg shaking, sweat coming, I start pray
I think I will shoot Tiger some other day
Turning round I am going to flee
But Tiger giving bloody roar spotting Bengalee
He bounding from cave like footballer Pele
I run shouting "Kali Ma tumi kothay gele"
Through the jongole I am running
With Tiger on my tail closer looming
I am a telling that never in life
I will take risk again for my damn fool wife!!!!!

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