Finding a heart that’s fertile to take your hopes is not done in deliberation. How much ever one disagrees looking through the realms of wisdom they acquired, I learnt that it happens the same way life generates in an unknown moment though ingredients cluster and collide with each other and yet some moments go vacant… and the others reach fruition.
It’s so beautiful to like someone you happen to meet (in my case feel… as we were far away from each other), and weave emotions, thoughts and aspirations around them. Not all of them could be expressed in open even when the intent is honest and expression is pure. Fear and skepticism is something that exudes a negative aura and breaking the same even in the name of curiosity may not always be possible.
When one decides to bear his soul relinquishing his self esteem risking rejection, going weak on wobbling knees, he still has the strength in his heart to say what he wanted to say. The greatest irony that I observed with someone who is so mad in love with a girl is… going so weak before his girl who is fragile, delicate and soft. Confronting her blazing eyes or impassive face is not less than feeling his heart shrink within and blood rushing to create a kind of cerebral hemorrhage.
I find this feeling to be very unique. Though I was not really blessed to relish this feeling as I proposed to the girl I loved over phone and not in real life. I could see her confusion in digesting what she heard and hesitance is not being rude. I closed my eyes tight and my own ears could listen to my thudding heart and as well could distinguish the silence pervading on the other side.
That moment is the seed of love I planted in her heart.
I remembered good old days when I was a child. Mom used to use coriander leaves a lot in her cooking. To get them fresh she used to plant them in back yard. We children with our little hands raked up the earth as much as we could and prepare the soil for mom to come and seed. Sometimes we used to sit around the patch of ground we dug and wait for mom patiently. Then mom simply sprinkled coriander seeds in the soil and used her fingers to fold those seeds in to the layers of earth. And when she asks for water one of us used to run towards a water drum and fetch water in a tiny mug. After sprinkling water she simply asked us to wait.
This waiting sometimes used to irritate me. But then I was a child and curious about so many things that drawn my attention away from what’s bothering me. Every morning when I wake up I used to go to that patch of ground and see if some miracle sprung up.
True… I really don’t recall how much time it took but one day I observed a tiny stem trying to tear the layer of mother earth and come up to turn her head up towards son. I was so excited and ran to mom and tell her what I saw. She was busy as usual with her kitchen chores and acknowledged my answer with a smile.
I ran back to my seedlings and spent little more time looking at them. And they have grown to delicious smelling coriander leaves that I loved to sprinkle on the vegetable seasoned spicy rice mom used to prepare for me. Mom used to rip them off from their roots and wash them and cut them to bits and pieces… to ensure my smiles.
Sounds gruesome… right???
Later I learnt in school that a seed and seedling there of needs so many things. Just not earth but water and sunshine and care…
Makes me remember my favorite song… A soulful melody by Late John Denver…
Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make this garden grow
It’s so beautiful to like someone you happen to meet (in my case feel… as we were far away from each other), and weave emotions, thoughts and aspirations around them. Not all of them could be expressed in open even when the intent is honest and expression is pure. Fear and skepticism is something that exudes a negative aura and breaking the same even in the name of curiosity may not always be possible.
When one decides to bear his soul relinquishing his self esteem risking rejection, going weak on wobbling knees, he still has the strength in his heart to say what he wanted to say. The greatest irony that I observed with someone who is so mad in love with a girl is… going so weak before his girl who is fragile, delicate and soft. Confronting her blazing eyes or impassive face is not less than feeling his heart shrink within and blood rushing to create a kind of cerebral hemorrhage.
I find this feeling to be very unique. Though I was not really blessed to relish this feeling as I proposed to the girl I loved over phone and not in real life. I could see her confusion in digesting what she heard and hesitance is not being rude. I closed my eyes tight and my own ears could listen to my thudding heart and as well could distinguish the silence pervading on the other side.
That moment is the seed of love I planted in her heart.
I remembered good old days when I was a child. Mom used to use coriander leaves a lot in her cooking. To get them fresh she used to plant them in back yard. We children with our little hands raked up the earth as much as we could and prepare the soil for mom to come and seed. Sometimes we used to sit around the patch of ground we dug and wait for mom patiently. Then mom simply sprinkled coriander seeds in the soil and used her fingers to fold those seeds in to the layers of earth. And when she asks for water one of us used to run towards a water drum and fetch water in a tiny mug. After sprinkling water she simply asked us to wait.
This waiting sometimes used to irritate me. But then I was a child and curious about so many things that drawn my attention away from what’s bothering me. Every morning when I wake up I used to go to that patch of ground and see if some miracle sprung up.
True… I really don’t recall how much time it took but one day I observed a tiny stem trying to tear the layer of mother earth and come up to turn her head up towards son. I was so excited and ran to mom and tell her what I saw. She was busy as usual with her kitchen chores and acknowledged my answer with a smile.
I ran back to my seedlings and spent little more time looking at them. And they have grown to delicious smelling coriander leaves that I loved to sprinkle on the vegetable seasoned spicy rice mom used to prepare for me. Mom used to rip them off from their roots and wash them and cut them to bits and pieces… to ensure my smiles.
Sounds gruesome… right???
Later I learnt in school that a seed and seedling there of needs so many things. Just not earth but water and sunshine and care…
Makes me remember my favorite song… A soulful melody by Late John Denver…
Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make this garden grow
All it takes is a rake and a hoe and a piece of fertile ground
Inch by inch, row by row, someone bless the seeds I sow
Someone warm them from below, 'til the rain comes tumbling down
Pulling weeds and picking stones, man is made of dreams and bones
Feel the need to grow my own 'cause the time is close at hand
Grain for grain, sun and rain, find my way in nature's chain,
to my body and my brain to the music from the land
Plant your rows straight and long, thicker than with prayer and song
Mother Earth will make you strong if you give her love and care
Old crow watching hungrily, from his perch in yonder tree
In my garden I'm as free as that feathered thief up there
Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make this garden grow
All it takes is a rake and a hoe and a piece of fertile ground
Inch by inch, row by row, Someone bless the seeds I sow
Someone warm them from below, 'til the rain comes tumbling down
…
Falling in love with someone is easy if they are kind enough to reciprocate. It’s like mother earth allowing the seed in her heart to germinate and grow. Nurturing the seedling needs lots of things that nature provides…
My own seed of love planted in her heart needed such nurturing. I was so unfortunate in staying away from her. I wanted every possible moment to be with her just to share her silence and solitude. I tried making up what I could not make in real by calling her and talking to her.
It was like dreaming with eyes open as words flows from our mouths to ears and then reaches our hearts. Conversations between us varied from breezy to stormy. And they used to end up in glowing happiness as well us fuming anger. But never a moment we could go beyond a notion to leave each other. It was the most wonderful phase of my life… my growing years. I mean my real growing years were different from the growing years in love which I was completely aware of.
You must have observed that I used past tense. “Was”…
It brings me tears in my eyes when look at my own cruelty towards myself to use such word. I cannot claim that I am a true lover as I never thought of so many other things that strengthen love to counter the harms of real world. I should have been bit more egoistic in hiding my attention towards her and looking after her immediate need however trivial or stupid it might be.
I stood stoic like flag pole over which her fragile dreams wound around as her hopes climbed. I was so entranced with what I was blessed with as her confidence and happiness engulfed me in every succeeding moment.
Then the plant of love grown was… ripped off the ground in which it germinated…
She has grown to know that she could not share her love with me. She left me… like a stoic flag pole… I am standing alone in meandering loneliness.
I love that girl so much…
…
Falling in love with someone is easy if they are kind enough to reciprocate. It’s like mother earth allowing the seed in her heart to germinate and grow. Nurturing the seedling needs lots of things that nature provides…
My own seed of love planted in her heart needed such nurturing. I was so unfortunate in staying away from her. I wanted every possible moment to be with her just to share her silence and solitude. I tried making up what I could not make in real by calling her and talking to her.
It was like dreaming with eyes open as words flows from our mouths to ears and then reaches our hearts. Conversations between us varied from breezy to stormy. And they used to end up in glowing happiness as well us fuming anger. But never a moment we could go beyond a notion to leave each other. It was the most wonderful phase of my life… my growing years. I mean my real growing years were different from the growing years in love which I was completely aware of.
You must have observed that I used past tense. “Was”…
It brings me tears in my eyes when look at my own cruelty towards myself to use such word. I cannot claim that I am a true lover as I never thought of so many other things that strengthen love to counter the harms of real world. I should have been bit more egoistic in hiding my attention towards her and looking after her immediate need however trivial or stupid it might be.
I stood stoic like flag pole over which her fragile dreams wound around as her hopes climbed. I was so entranced with what I was blessed with as her confidence and happiness engulfed me in every succeeding moment.
Then the plant of love grown was… ripped off the ground in which it germinated…
She has grown to know that she could not share her love with me. She left me… like a stoic flag pole… I am standing alone in meandering loneliness.
I love that girl so much…
…
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