Taxes

Today I submitted my tax returns.

I hate taxes. Not because I need to shell out money for contribution towards nation and its growth. But because I don’t understand an iota of what that form says and what I need to answer. I actually developed phobia towards the tax return form and develop cold sweat when I think of it.

I am not ambitious in terms of earning loads of money. What I cherish most is the companionship of people I love and my own ability to spare time for their words and needs. I in fact am a little scared of the byproducts that come along with money… such as stress, sycophancy and many more.

And I am again so much perplexed at the carrots that hung before us in the form of tax exemptions. To get exemption from tax to some extent we need to subscribe to government approved loan or investment schemes. Deeper I try to understand this paradox I realize that these things pull one further deeper in to quagmire of money related entanglements.

I am not married. Perhaps shall never marry. Party due to the reasons of heart and partly due to the reasons related to reality. I am not socially prequalified to get married. But like a lazy dreamer I used to wonder if money spent on wife could be exempted from tax. I saw my beloved uncle earn loads of money and spend loads and loads of money at the mare sniffle of his wife. I used to look at him in awe when I realized that he is looting booty from his company though he is perfectly eligible to loot in terms of his talent and yet… his wife used to loot from him without raising a finger. And yet that gentleman used to break his head over filing his tax return with a bottle of aspirin within his reach.

I asked him in utmost innocence that if money spent on wife could be tax deducted. He gaped at me the same way a mouse gapes at a hippopotamus (I don’t know if any mouse in the word happen to confront a hippopotamus in real life), and asked me what gave me such idea. I made few uncertain noises and blabbed few uncomfortable words but explained the fundamental principles derived though my observations. That his wife loots him of gold and gems and expensive saris and billion other things that are utterly unnecessary for sane living…

He made a pose perhaps was made centuries before by the great philosopher Socrates. His licensed and thirsted upon wisdom made him smile benignly at my unparalleled stupidity to proclaim that even the profoundly studied, evaluated and implemented policies of administration can not possibly bless a man from getting tax exception from the money spent on his wife.

I thought that is injustice on the part of masculine labor. I told my uncle this injustice must be protested and if possible avenged. He took off his owlish glasses and looked at me with his small eyes otherwise look big like ostrich eye balls and asked… so…what do you suggest??? I ruminated on my own instantly sprouted judgment and decided that I have nothing to suggest.

Then he placed his hand on my shoulder in unstinted sympathy and told me to await my own fate too. I looked back at me like an enthusiastic spaniel and asked what he foresees about my fate. He just put on his glasses and went back to his tax statement preparations.

Since then it has became an enigma for me to confront a reality that’s approved through law and legislation. Further observations told me that marriage makes one run like an ass in roman colossal chariot race in earning money and yet give no exemption from tax when spent on wife.

So…with no wife on my ass and I have no means or motivation to earn a lot and cheat the administration or government, why should I be burdened with taxes??? Why not cut what ever they want behind my back and keep quite instead of smiling at me like salivating wolves and ask if I submitted my tax returns??? I am so innocent even to comprehend how much I am looted in legal manner.

I don’t even know how to fill the form. And could not quite trust those coyote look like volunteers who say everything is free but look a little longer and deeper in my eyes when they say everything is FREE. I would rather be seeking help one of my friend who helped me preparing my tax returns and he too turned out to be a turkey buzzer at the end and asked me if I have any money.

I raised my hands in exasperation and told him what ever information about what ever I earned is given to you in aiding out the preparation of tax returns and now he asked if I have stashed any black money. Look at me man… if I were such kind would you expect me to come to you??? I would have been more crocked in preparing my own tax returns. He believed me and let go without harassing me further.

To ventilate my sadistic and pent up stress that crossed the border line and entered pleasure zone as they looked at my documents and stamped their acceptance… I pulled out all my pockets on trouser and shirt to further substantiate my claim that I have no money to claim riches that are taxable. I ran out in glee and felt like a free bird… at least till next year… when the tax man returns again…