Defiance within

Many a times I happen to come across people who experienced romantic alliances and could not quite make it to end. The reasons range from post discovery of emotional incompatibility to social factors. Most of the time people keep this particular domain of their life free from the critical factors like education and career. I am not really sure if I am right in this observation of mine. The newer and developing norms in society are infusing and intrinsic values of survival and sustenance. People precisely look for certain compatible factors without being aware of their intent.

Perhaps this is the foundation of “Arranged Marriages” in our Indian society. Everything is calculated and judged by people who measure the success of a venture like marriage with respect to their own perceived outlook. And most of the time a mutual consensus is reached between the so called committee members who always delude themselves that they are right in envisaging the budding lives of a young couple. And I believe deep inside they also have this guilt or paranoia that makes them look after this new couple revere what’s given to them by these elders.

Sure this works out in two facets. The first one being people who lead their life in routine manner and discover not their own selves and their emotional needs as time pass by. By the time it’s late and life results either in mute acceptance or cryptic infidelity. Ladies Bars (A nook where liquor is served while nubile young girls dance to the tune of rhythmic beats gyrating their derrière) we have here as a defiance to the cultural norms reflect in our society. I never visited them because of the principles I adopted. The point I wish to make here is that these joints are densely frequented by people who are so frustrated with their entanglement called life. Almost all of them have a secure family with a well taken care kind of setup.

Some times I wonder if this anomaly is the tiding dark forces deeply embedded in everyone. The vice and virtue that always fight tooth and claw in relentless manner where one has to exercise appropriate wisdom might not always succeed. Some people visit these nooks purely for the fun of seeking pleasures beyond what is recommended and provided.

The second side is more aggressive and results in harsher words, bitter tears and an eventual diverse. I have nothing to say in this area except my heart goes for those children who get crushed beneath the hooves of parental ego.

Hence I am always unsure about the concept of “Arranged Marriage”

That leaves us look towards the other possibility. To get enchanted by someone and to feel unsure who deserving we are to them and vice versa leaves a sense of responsibility within. I feel… in general who fell in love are honest. I prefer not to delve on those who seek momentary pleasure and fly away and make it their way of life. I am strictly speaking of those who look forward to a future that’s congenial and convivial. A future in which distinction of self does not exist. A future in which one does not toll for oneself but for the other. A future in which even silence percolating between is as blissful as mock anger showering.

It takes a lot to realize and crystallize the above idea. It’s a toiling journey and the pain is known only to those who trudge the path. Many a times I abstained from judging people who are in love. The simple fact that is ignored most often is an emotion like love is only felt by those who love. For everyone else around … be it family or friends… it is a concept that needs be looked thought the microscope called logic. The others simply judge and advice perfectly realizing that their own actions harm themselves in no way. And when tragedy struck they simply give you the look “I told so…”

But as a core element… how could one bear separation and survive in sane manner??? It is a question that could never precisely be answered by any person who qualifies him / herself as a psychologist, agony aunt, counselor or a well-wisher. They never experience anything at an emotional plane and totally blinded by their logic and guided by its formulas.

This leaves the victim so alone and so miserable. He needs solace only from that one person with whom he wanted to travel the paths of life hand in hand. He could not raise his head above his self imposed isolation and prefer to seek no solution. He struggles orienting himself with the sweetest memories and moment he shared with his sweet heart. Smiles sublime slide in to salty tears and suddenly discover that he has his own hand to wipe his tears and not the sweet caress and assurance from the girl he loved.

Moments like this offer an opportunity for the negative thoughts to take over. Suddenly he confronts a possibility of reevaluating his own blindness towards her in the name of love. Try to discover flaws that were ignored earlier and try to reshape them in to monumental discrepancies.

It is the most devious moment of life. It’s not the head fights with heart or heart fights with head. Its heart fights heart and seek neither victory nor defeat. It’s the numb feeling in which one could listen to his own heart beats rapid and try pumping sanity back in to your senses.

I also sensed that defiance within me fights back to yield. To refuse to succumb and to deny being nudged towards despondency.

Perhaps I could be useful to her in some way and at some time in future. Perhaps there shall be precious few moments when she thinks that I could be the only person she needs to trust. Perhaps she would pray for me in gaining my own emotional balance back and limp towards what’s left over.

Perhaps… there shall be some miracle…

Let my stupid defiance be my savior…