Taxes

Today I submitted my tax returns.

I hate taxes. Not because I need to shell out money for contribution towards nation and its growth. But because I don’t understand an iota of what that form says and what I need to answer. I actually developed phobia towards the tax return form and develop cold sweat when I think of it.

I am not ambitious in terms of earning loads of money. What I cherish most is the companionship of people I love and my own ability to spare time for their words and needs. I in fact am a little scared of the byproducts that come along with money… such as stress, sycophancy and many more.

And I am again so much perplexed at the carrots that hung before us in the form of tax exemptions. To get exemption from tax to some extent we need to subscribe to government approved loan or investment schemes. Deeper I try to understand this paradox I realize that these things pull one further deeper in to quagmire of money related entanglements.

I am not married. Perhaps shall never marry. Party due to the reasons of heart and partly due to the reasons related to reality. I am not socially prequalified to get married. But like a lazy dreamer I used to wonder if money spent on wife could be exempted from tax. I saw my beloved uncle earn loads of money and spend loads and loads of money at the mare sniffle of his wife. I used to look at him in awe when I realized that he is looting booty from his company though he is perfectly eligible to loot in terms of his talent and yet… his wife used to loot from him without raising a finger. And yet that gentleman used to break his head over filing his tax return with a bottle of aspirin within his reach.

I asked him in utmost innocence that if money spent on wife could be tax deducted. He gaped at me the same way a mouse gapes at a hippopotamus (I don’t know if any mouse in the word happen to confront a hippopotamus in real life), and asked me what gave me such idea. I made few uncertain noises and blabbed few uncomfortable words but explained the fundamental principles derived though my observations. That his wife loots him of gold and gems and expensive saris and billion other things that are utterly unnecessary for sane living…

He made a pose perhaps was made centuries before by the great philosopher Socrates. His licensed and thirsted upon wisdom made him smile benignly at my unparalleled stupidity to proclaim that even the profoundly studied, evaluated and implemented policies of administration can not possibly bless a man from getting tax exception from the money spent on his wife.

I thought that is injustice on the part of masculine labor. I told my uncle this injustice must be protested and if possible avenged. He took off his owlish glasses and looked at me with his small eyes otherwise look big like ostrich eye balls and asked… so…what do you suggest??? I ruminated on my own instantly sprouted judgment and decided that I have nothing to suggest.

Then he placed his hand on my shoulder in unstinted sympathy and told me to await my own fate too. I looked back at me like an enthusiastic spaniel and asked what he foresees about my fate. He just put on his glasses and went back to his tax statement preparations.

Since then it has became an enigma for me to confront a reality that’s approved through law and legislation. Further observations told me that marriage makes one run like an ass in roman colossal chariot race in earning money and yet give no exemption from tax when spent on wife.

So…with no wife on my ass and I have no means or motivation to earn a lot and cheat the administration or government, why should I be burdened with taxes??? Why not cut what ever they want behind my back and keep quite instead of smiling at me like salivating wolves and ask if I submitted my tax returns??? I am so innocent even to comprehend how much I am looted in legal manner.

I don’t even know how to fill the form. And could not quite trust those coyote look like volunteers who say everything is free but look a little longer and deeper in my eyes when they say everything is FREE. I would rather be seeking help one of my friend who helped me preparing my tax returns and he too turned out to be a turkey buzzer at the end and asked me if I have any money.

I raised my hands in exasperation and told him what ever information about what ever I earned is given to you in aiding out the preparation of tax returns and now he asked if I have stashed any black money. Look at me man… if I were such kind would you expect me to come to you??? I would have been more crocked in preparing my own tax returns. He believed me and let go without harassing me further.

To ventilate my sadistic and pent up stress that crossed the border line and entered pleasure zone as they looked at my documents and stamped their acceptance… I pulled out all my pockets on trouser and shirt to further substantiate my claim that I have no money to claim riches that are taxable. I ran out in glee and felt like a free bird… at least till next year… when the tax man returns again…

Homosexuality

A recent debate in our country (India) to abolish prohibitive laws in favor of homosexuality took momentum. Very interestingly we do have historical evidences in our culture and religion similar to every other culture or religion around the world supporting this version of sexual preference.

IPC377 - Whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal, shall be punished with [imprisonment for life], or with imprisonment of either description for term which may extend to ten years, and shall also be liable to fine.

Most of the time I wonder if laws were framed looking at the greater good of masses and sometimes overlook the genuine element left within human psyche. Not that I support the cause of homosexuals but looking back in to time one could not deny the existence of this diffraction since ages.

It repulses me to extreme and to certain extent scares me confronting these people. I some how discovered to my dismay that I started sympathizing the cause of lesbians after I happen to interact with someone who claimed a lesbian. Her outlook towards her chosen orientation is simple enough… that the sensuality and sensitivity a woman capable of understanding, desiring and reciprocating shall not be completely fulfilled by a testosterone driven man. This perhaps is right when we think of the relations between opposite sexes in an objective manner. Most of the time males subconsciously are guided by masculine tendencies that not only exhibit itself in protective behavior but also could hopelessly slide in to maniac obsession.

It is a goal that needs life time struggle for a male to keep a woman satiated in her emotional spiritual and intellectual thirst not losing an iota of patience. Very thank fully most of the women have the resilience to cope with any anomalies that they happen to face and we males survive our own misadventures.

Now coming towards gays I just could not fathom what makes them behave the way they behave. I feel uncomfortable even in touching a close friend for more than a necessary few seconds. Now delving deeper in to their mindset and empathizing with their emotional paradoxes is something over which one must not comment unless they fully understand that lies beneath.

But the physical part of the expression of their chosen live is intimidating enough for me to recoil in revulsion. Yet… if they can not help it let them live in peace.

Most of my friends asked me how I react to this step taken by judiciary in jettisoning this law. Perhaps everyone deserves and reserve the right to live the way they chose to live as long as their sentiments or actions hurt not others.

I congratulate those who confess what they are out in open and fight to retain their identity despite rejection and hatred from heterosexual people around. May they be granted freedom by law though society may not accept the verdict…

My question is to those who stay cryptic and ruin the lives of innocents who come their way. A bisexual husband who becomes a carrier for sexually transmitted disease or AIDS to his innocent wife and unborn kid, or a rich and powerful guy who exploits the helplessness of someone who is dependent of him for his social and survival needs. It is abundantly scary when one looks in to the possibility of this law’s exploitation in shielding their crimes over innocent people who are unaware or helpless.

How may of these hidden demons come out in the open and purify them in the sanctity of law??? They remain incognito in the comfort of their superiority and ability to exploit and cry wolf and run towards the umbrella of law when get caught after victimizing someone already.

If it is a physical anomaly over which nothing could be done, I suppose we must help those who are trying to find sense and direction their life. And those who completely realized that nothing could be done about their sexual orientation and hence come out open and exercise their rights need our acceptance.

If it is an emotional paradox and if they are willing to undergo counseling, it will be our social responsibility to help these people in retrieving and retain their poise. For these people are found in our won vicinity and probably families.

But to those who deliberately become deviant and remain wolves in sheep’s cloth… I feel the judiciary must look deep in to possibilities and consolidate the law and meet these criminals with lethal force…

Defiance within

Many a times I happen to come across people who experienced romantic alliances and could not quite make it to end. The reasons range from post discovery of emotional incompatibility to social factors. Most of the time people keep this particular domain of their life free from the critical factors like education and career. I am not really sure if I am right in this observation of mine. The newer and developing norms in society are infusing and intrinsic values of survival and sustenance. People precisely look for certain compatible factors without being aware of their intent.

Perhaps this is the foundation of “Arranged Marriages” in our Indian society. Everything is calculated and judged by people who measure the success of a venture like marriage with respect to their own perceived outlook. And most of the time a mutual consensus is reached between the so called committee members who always delude themselves that they are right in envisaging the budding lives of a young couple. And I believe deep inside they also have this guilt or paranoia that makes them look after this new couple revere what’s given to them by these elders.

Sure this works out in two facets. The first one being people who lead their life in routine manner and discover not their own selves and their emotional needs as time pass by. By the time it’s late and life results either in mute acceptance or cryptic infidelity. Ladies Bars (A nook where liquor is served while nubile young girls dance to the tune of rhythmic beats gyrating their derrière) we have here as a defiance to the cultural norms reflect in our society. I never visited them because of the principles I adopted. The point I wish to make here is that these joints are densely frequented by people who are so frustrated with their entanglement called life. Almost all of them have a secure family with a well taken care kind of setup.

Some times I wonder if this anomaly is the tiding dark forces deeply embedded in everyone. The vice and virtue that always fight tooth and claw in relentless manner where one has to exercise appropriate wisdom might not always succeed. Some people visit these nooks purely for the fun of seeking pleasures beyond what is recommended and provided.

The second side is more aggressive and results in harsher words, bitter tears and an eventual diverse. I have nothing to say in this area except my heart goes for those children who get crushed beneath the hooves of parental ego.

Hence I am always unsure about the concept of “Arranged Marriage”

That leaves us look towards the other possibility. To get enchanted by someone and to feel unsure who deserving we are to them and vice versa leaves a sense of responsibility within. I feel… in general who fell in love are honest. I prefer not to delve on those who seek momentary pleasure and fly away and make it their way of life. I am strictly speaking of those who look forward to a future that’s congenial and convivial. A future in which distinction of self does not exist. A future in which one does not toll for oneself but for the other. A future in which even silence percolating between is as blissful as mock anger showering.

It takes a lot to realize and crystallize the above idea. It’s a toiling journey and the pain is known only to those who trudge the path. Many a times I abstained from judging people who are in love. The simple fact that is ignored most often is an emotion like love is only felt by those who love. For everyone else around … be it family or friends… it is a concept that needs be looked thought the microscope called logic. The others simply judge and advice perfectly realizing that their own actions harm themselves in no way. And when tragedy struck they simply give you the look “I told so…”

But as a core element… how could one bear separation and survive in sane manner??? It is a question that could never precisely be answered by any person who qualifies him / herself as a psychologist, agony aunt, counselor or a well-wisher. They never experience anything at an emotional plane and totally blinded by their logic and guided by its formulas.

This leaves the victim so alone and so miserable. He needs solace only from that one person with whom he wanted to travel the paths of life hand in hand. He could not raise his head above his self imposed isolation and prefer to seek no solution. He struggles orienting himself with the sweetest memories and moment he shared with his sweet heart. Smiles sublime slide in to salty tears and suddenly discover that he has his own hand to wipe his tears and not the sweet caress and assurance from the girl he loved.

Moments like this offer an opportunity for the negative thoughts to take over. Suddenly he confronts a possibility of reevaluating his own blindness towards her in the name of love. Try to discover flaws that were ignored earlier and try to reshape them in to monumental discrepancies.

It is the most devious moment of life. It’s not the head fights with heart or heart fights with head. Its heart fights heart and seek neither victory nor defeat. It’s the numb feeling in which one could listen to his own heart beats rapid and try pumping sanity back in to your senses.

I also sensed that defiance within me fights back to yield. To refuse to succumb and to deny being nudged towards despondency.

Perhaps I could be useful to her in some way and at some time in future. Perhaps there shall be precious few moments when she thinks that I could be the only person she needs to trust. Perhaps she would pray for me in gaining my own emotional balance back and limp towards what’s left over.

Perhaps… there shall be some miracle…

Let my stupid defiance be my savior…

To be… Or not to be…

Love lured me towards life
Life smirked at my hope…
Smiles were always my companions
Though tears tugged my sleeve…
To see what we call reality around
When my world is nudged out of bounds…
I wonder if freedom to choose is a curse
I lick my wounds and nurse…
Happiness in my face drowned in the cracks of my pain
I try harder to rise and shine…
Love is a lesson from which I must learn
Her heart is a treasure still I need to earn…
To toll in real world and give her what she wants
Or to live with her and give what she needs…
To be… or not to be…