Standing At Cross Roads On Valentine Day

The realization of inadequate self in every heart makes one look outwards to search for the soul mate. I always was not observant about the value of a relation at an objective level. When I was a kid I used to think that friends are there always whether you need them or not. All you need to do is run out of home and in to the street and friends swarm from all corners to play and run around. Never thought of assigning value to a friend ship till materialistic, emotional and spiritual needs aroused in life.

When lead by the next inevitable stage nudging us towards opposite sex as blooming youth inserts many favorable aspects, we either are overwhelmed by choice or constricted by ideals. Cultural context and its subsequent evolution though westernization and expression of freedom is further fueling this dilemma about what is right in absolute sense but what is right only for us.

Too baffling… isn’t it???

Somehow I feel it is becoming an accepted social norm to put one’s social safety and material convenience on the front line before love. People prefer not to waste time beyond a point in assessing a prospect for life time devotion towards companionship. The options before them are too many and too easy. Above and all developing flexibility within the human psyche is contributing monumentally in reorienting one self and making one resilient in moving ahead after dumping emotional baggage in garbage heap.

I am not sure if I must call this love.

I learnt that loving someone is not just exhilarating. Its heart ripping at times and make one run away… from… oneself. And where could one run away from oneself??? It brings your belief structure and temperament to a grinding halt when ego exerts a crushing force between the transmission of emotion and foundation of faith.

Like a limping giant that’s enervated from deathly blow one tries to stabilize when they realize that blindness in love fades and reality again smiles cruelly in to your face. Suddenly we are confronted with more important things in life. Our gratitude towards our parents and our commitment towards our ambitions… and we realize that we are not super humans to relinquish all these for someone who is worthy in terms of making us smile.

Is love an emotion that has shelf life in its peak performance and fades to normalcy and idle when time an age creeps on us??? Or does it distinguish between the seeping lethargy and tiding enthusiasm??? Is it based on our sense of youthful thinking in which we always strive to get the best in terms of looks, attraction, intelligence, power and usefulness???

Or do we go monotonous if we embed our hearts in what we believe in??? Do we need to keep our senses alert to notice that we are taken for granted when we devote ourselves so much towards a single person???

My impetuous and adamant faith in believing that love is to be nurtured every new moment like it is to be nurtured like a new born infant seem always turned out to be counter productive. When I repeatedly claimed to someone that I love them a million times in a day, my stupidity was laughed at and reprimanded that one need not echo the same sentiments every time, lest they get fermented towards boredom.

This revelation is incomprehensible to me even today. How could you blend an ever evolving energy in to the closet of life and try to acknowledge its existence in mute??? I refuse to take love for granted. I voice my disagreement veraciously and scream at people who say otherwise. I wish to look at my lover with wide eyes that are shy and glinting every time I look at her. I wish to feel the tremors of my own heart as she looks back at me in equal passion… every time… she looks at me… I wish… she leaves her real world, in real world… and live with me all alone in our own world. I wish she see what I see and make me see what she sees…

The external impediment is omnipresent society. The social matrix that is too influenced by rhetoric of life and its demands could not quite digest what’s happening right in front of them. They motivate themselves with irrevocable hatred towards some one who loves as their strength makes these elders remember what they could not perform in their younger days. What is more surprising is even when they rebelled in their own youth they get mellowed by the contagious perspective in which they no more empathize with their children.

Even valentine needs to know that his responsibility not just ends at linking estranged lovers in this modern world. He needs to understand that love is not just a unique emotion anymore that hath its own autonomy over a person’s heart. It is pushed in the long list of priorities as one of the components. He needs to understand that even cupid’s arrows get ricocheted after they deeply go though hearts.

And here I am… standing at cross roads… looking at Saint Valentine… who is guiding people in love towards the directions they must take. He is too busy to notice me that… I am alone…

An Orphan Within The Family

It is with deep pain and resignation I am writing this blog. It is about how discrimination starts within the family and gets justification towards the abetted crime.

It is about the girl child in Indian families. First I do not truly believe that development and education totally eradicated the stigma towards a girl child. They are associated with liability though they are the only one who truly loves their families. I am baffled in interpreting this fact and its subliminal response from parents when the issue of unstinted support comes.

Somehow girls are the reason for a family pride with their beauty, intelligence, diligence and tenderness but these qualities work against them when the parental ego comes between the girl and parent.

When they are within the embryo of family they are dependent and when they stand on their feet to go face the word and ride in rapids in equal fervor with male counterparts they are marginally arrogant or irreversibly spoilt… depending on how others see it.

I am yet to come in terms with the fact about the choices a girl makes and her aspirations are honored unequivocally. It would be innocuous if I expect parents to accept everything the girl wants but with their accumulated wisdom and broader outlook, they must nudge their child towards what is safer and better and yet makes the daughter not feel deprived of.

Most of the time… it would be torturous for a girl to confess her emotional inclinations about her chosen partner to those whom she loves irrevocably. It is an unhealthy minority that does it and minuscule of that percentage gets away with that they want. And out of these successful specimens, almost all of them chosen wisely with respect to their anticipated standard parameters. Controlling factors like religion, cast, culture, region and social equivalence coupled with money and power always play role in matters like this.

Amazingly the parents forget that they too underwent that phase of social conditioning in their own youth. People learn by their specific way in reacting towards and situation that arises. This is what I believe… is experience, and not something that comes in our way. When we evaluate how we reacted and what were the consequences we always strive for a better ascension and at least prefer not to repeat the in appropriate solution we chose earlier.

The only impossible fact I see here is the biological constraint that seem to dominate a female’s chastity. She could get pregnant and let the whole world howl about righteousness. It is disgusting but not surprising to see pious people who point fingers at girls finding valid reason about their dressing and gait and open hearted laughter.

If I go look deeper in the moral code of conduct devised by our great religions, every god damn doctrine preaches about reverence and respect towards women. All the while they are not even qualified to receive a look with compassion when the issue of protecting their sensuality is concerned.

I happen to come across so many such incidents where I had to listen to their suppressed grief tiding and ebbing within. Perhaps I witnessed these only because I was talking to them on net or phone, because their own premonition may never allow them to unfold their fears in real life with a real person.

All in all girl act more responsibly to a given situation where their family happiness is concerned. The way it needs an iron will to love someone truly; we also need strength in looking beyond what we see right in front of us.

Complacence in our pride that arm twists our own daughters, sisters surely gives us applauded victory that’s hallow, when it comes to the tears of a girl that are shed silently for the rest of her life. It is almost impossible for our male ego to empathize with their resilience and we think we have done better.

Perhaps I have been too biased towards women. Perhaps I need to look back and listen to the demand for sanity and reality… Perhaps it not possible for us to please all women… Perhaps we do not have patience to yield to their own unpredictable mood swings. But we could do one thing…

We could do one thing perfectly. We could choose one… only one girl in our life… Be it our sister, our friend, wife, mother or daughter… and we treat that single person with utter devotion. We bear the pain of what ever disagreement we might encounter in preserving this ideal. We will be the first one to ask her forgiveness should we violate our own oath to ourselves. We love them unconditionally and we truly deserve the contentment of ensuring smiles of one girl or woman in this world. Attaining this is not at all easy and it has to go till we breathe our last. It would reward us with enemies within our own domain and we get torn when that girl chose to go away from us forgetting all the love we gave them. We would sleep in peace at night remembering all the silly things we did to make her laugh and feel confident and safe.

I personally think a daughter is the best girl to fit the above place. We see watch her enter this world in tightly shut eyes lips and fists. We watch her grow from toddler to child to pre teen to teen and… and bloom in to a woman. We feed on her love and attention in her own innocent to evolving ways. If you have no daughter please give this place to your wife. If you are yet to get married please give this place to your sister till she gets married or your mother if you are truly noble. Please smile at a girl who is stranger on a shy way and lower your eyes so that she feels not uncomfortable.

Think it hard my friends… for we have only one life and… we make one more life better who needs us more…