Traumatic Turbulence

When I came across this word “Turbulence” somewhere in my engineering lessons I was fascinated by that. It was incredible to believe that even liquids and gases shall be subjected to instability. But then my stupid and young imagination was so fascinated with the serenity of air flow and placidity of water ripples shall not have such force to shake foundations.

The reason I am writing this is all together different.

Recently I happen to travel a remote place in India on my job by air. I hate air travel. First it’s not that they make you feel you are a king for the money you pay. You need to run early to airport almost eons before and wait like a beggar awaiting alms. And think of buying some simple thing like a bottle of water and you will confront an economics related expression called “Inflation”. I understand not why things that otherwise costs a few cents would take a quantum leap towards few dollars even when the value layers are applied. Then comes social discrimination…even if almost all of them travel in economy class they look at each other as if you are an earthling who is suddenly blessed with a privilege to fly in air and they are from an advanced galaxy. I even was told by someone that whenever one makes air travel they have to douse themselves in deodorant to declare unspoken superiority over the next traveler sitting beside. It’s a cauldron of Harry Potter Toxic potions made out of… otherwise nice smelling deodorants. Air hostess earlier were intimidating to me with their almost angel like looks and piercing confidence or pejorative ignorance towards a small town guy like me. But after a while I sadly detected whomever they pay attention to… the esteemed clients care a damn. And finally… the feeling of reaching destination within a blink of eye…

Urggggg…. I hate air travel…

Now going back to turbulence… I experienced the so called turbulence and it was a pleasant surprise to me unlike what I watched in movies where people get horrified and sit in crouching position to ward off a possible crash and save lives. May be whatever I experienced was not a turbulence at all. May be it’s a mosquito swipe for the aircraft as I see no one seem to be worried about anything. A bone jarring noise that vibrated the airframe for a few seconds made me not think of a miserable death out of elements I am petrified about. I am scared of heights. And it doubles when I realize that I am flying above sea… I am scared shit of water too. Then I told myself… Turbulence after all… is not that turbulent.

I finished my job and caught return flight with my eyes red. My eyes were angry at me because I did not allow them to be enveloped within the cozy comfort of my eye lid folds. Besides I wanted to get out of that place that gave me autofobia... Fear of loneliness. I reached again the airport that looked a little bigger than match box and looked so unnaturally disoriented. Drab walls with faded and peeling paint peppered again with glamorous looking airline staff and dangerous looking cops who ensured every other guy who was travelling is not that dangerous.

I saw a display explaining what not to carry. Knives, Guns, Razor, Toxic Material, Aerosol Cans, liquids, Jellies and god knows many others that bored me to death. But I was too enthusiastic in running towards the official who was conducting body search with his magic wand… means hand held metal detector. I removed coins in my back pocket, keys from front pocket and my belt with metallic buckle. I was so sure that I shall be cleared as soon as possible. Then suddenly I was in deep doubt as I was wearing jeans that has copper rivets. Now I wondered if the magic wand beeps the cop might look at me like a hungry toad towards an innocent house fly and ask me to humiliate myself. But nothing like that happened.

Finally the flight came and I lurched towards it with my backpack… still feeling so sleepy. Then I discovered that the gentleman sitting beside me was… unable to sit in his seat and struggling to force fit his 1000mm wide butt in to a seat that’s almost half the size. I was for a moment scared presuming the possibility that I would get crumpled between him and the metallic contraption called hand rest of the seat at the other end. Thankfully there was another hand rest in the middle that defined the limits of decency.

Wow… sleep came the way a greedy airhostess came to sell some travel plans onboard like a salivating Hyena. But Hyenas are not that pretty to look at. Nevertheless I was about to slide in to abyss of sleep as the flight soared to wards twilight lit skies.

And came turbulence.

Not the airframe shaking turbulence. I was suddenly deprived of breathing air… if not Oxygen. And no one was strangling me. I was not being suffocated but asphyxiated. I opened my eyes to see if the demonstrated Oxygen mask fallen automatically before my face so that I could breathe a little but no such thing happened.

And I turned around see if everyone else were feeling the same… I could not quite know because of the limited movements my body and neck allowed in constricted seat that also was hugging my waist in death grip by its so called safety belt.

I could not quite understand with such great security, practices and implementations how one could manage a toxic gas brought aboard and release that with impunity. And it is not a kind of gas the weapon inspectors of superpowers became experts in unearthing at the laboratories and industries of rogue nations that are developing most inhuman means to destroy humanity.

Science could definitely have developed a device to detect the presence of such gas but somehow I was pushed to dilemma in realizing if this discovery was deliberately ignored of delayed perpetually. Now when I was gasping for my own breath I noticed that few neighbors of mine too was struggling to do the same but with less intensity. And out of the chaos my esteemed Hippo look alike neighbor was so complacent with munching his sandwich not even flinching his nose.

He was churning enzymes within his tummy at a disproportionately rapid rate with respect to his perpetual supply of food and pathetic slow process of converting the same inside his tummy in all three states of matter. Gaseous state of matter being so free to move according to… what law??? Charles Law or Boyle’s Law of behavior of gases… or whatever other law. They are building pressure greater than cabin pressure and seem to have decided unilaterally to escape from the nearest gastric tube orifice… or perhaps with the tacit blessings of their creator.

I screamed in silence. Why the heck the security did not discover this lethal gas bomb sitting beside me??? Why did their so called state of the art noxious gas detectors could not detect this gas mine??? Why this activity is not classified as most dangerous to the safety of air travelers???

And I was suddenly blessed with a positive outlook about my negative perspective about air travel. Good thing that they end soon. I recalled all those Shaolin Kung Fu movies I happen to watch as a mouth gaping teenager. I remembered all those breathing exercises that entrap air within lungs and makes one the Hollywood high technology assisted Ironman. I also remembered some other movie that’s made on deep sea divers and enact the hero with considerably commendable efforts.

And deep inside my soul I started recalling all religious philosophies I happen to read and imbibe. Now applying this comprehension called MAYA an illusion or MIDYA imagination or the final supreme state of bliss called EMPTINESS to the present scenario gave me some times to create a right coordination between my body and mind.

I think I am getting delirious when I was thinking of the above that time. But somehow I could still stay alive with all my body’s vital signs running even in erratic tap dance till I was brought back to earth for the second installment my remaining chunk of life.

I hereby implore all people who read this subtly disgusting blog to empty your guts before catching a flight. Empty them all of your solid liquid or gracious byproducts that get generated within instead of dousing your selves with perfumes and deodorants. Even when there is a possibility to walk across the aisles to reach the privacy of loo and create a mini global warming effect… you can’t stay there forever when it comes to uncontrolled production of WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction).

I thank my lucky starts… that I am alive today to write this…

By the way… I wanted to name this blog FLIGHT FART… But the angel whom I love so dearly might scream at me in disgust… Cheenaa… You are Grosssssssssssssssssssssssssss….

I love her so dearly… I miss her so much…