Mother

(I really can't help but post this. Its not written by me. Its a forwarded mail... makes me remind how ungreatful I am... Forgive me Mom... Pleaseee......)

I was a just-born and she was Twenty-Five

Though we were we, we were one

I would cry out in Latin and she would respond in Greek

I would learn nothing but she never got tired to teach

I was surrounded by monsters eager to pull my cheek

But they would vanish the moment I was wet and weep

She would come running and hold me in her arms

as if I had won the contest of the charms

Now I was able to walk and chew,and hey, I was two

I and she could now understand each other

I was her everything and she needed no other

I would try to walk and fall down

But knowing she was with me, the fear of getting hurt was now gone

We still could not converse that effectively

But she would understand my needs so easily

I could now roam about free,because now I have turned three

I was ready to join a new world,my academic life was now gonna mould

She would dress me as best as a prince,but when I would come back

she would need at least an hour to rinse

I was now able to talk,I was a ferry and she was my dock

I still remember the child, whose shirt I had tore

Hey buddy, I have turned four.I now came home a little late

Nevertheless finding her waiting at the gate

She would hug me and carry me in her arms,it felt like flying through the farms

We now did the homework together,I would spoil the home and she used to work

Years passed and now I was fifteen,and with each year I would forget to lean

I wouldn't care for what she said,because now I had become mean

She would ask me to study for a good future,but I was busy in a different culture

Now I had many shes in my life,I dreamed of having one of them as my wife

I changed a lot which she did not teach,She would try to hug me but I was out of reach

She still waited for me at the gate,but I would look at her with utmost hate

She would be awake till late in the night,because I wasn't home, I was in a fight.

he had so much to scold, but she never did say,hoping to find me better the next day

Time went on and now I am grown,lost in the world of my own

I and she, between us have a river,I have left her for my career

When I was young, for me, she sacrificed her ambitions,but I don't care

I now have my own mission.I am not with her now, I am in a different city

she is so old now but I don't even pity

She needs me now but I am nowhere to find,in the race for appraisal, I have become blind

In a few years from now, I will be two,there will be in my life someone new

Then I'll forget even to bother,I am her son and she is my Mother

Why do I need to smile???

I never think of this question most of the time because I smile always. I am not a scowling face that makes people look the other way. Neither have I smiled like a cartoon character to make the world feel that I am forever happy. But smile comes easy on my face starting from crinkled eyes to puffed cheeks and elongated lips that may or may not split wide in joy

Now what joy I am speaking of???

I am no sure for what reason I must smile… for I am a heretic and hermit in my own world. I love to be surrounded by emotionally sensitive people rather than intellectually endowed. I not only am bored but became sick of this game called supremacy over someone. But as if it’s in my core I end up debating with anyone who looks challenging and guide them towards their own blank wall with my guile. I laugh in pleasure that is interpreted as sarcasm.

But I am not sarcastic. I am one guy who is so lonely and so cold out there. I don’t even hug myself when I am sad. But go sit in a public place that’s too chaotic to notice my own peril.

Now what are my perils???

I am not sure if I must term myself as an emotional destitute or invincible maverick. I am all alone by myself since last two decades and lost the sensitivity of missing family. I feel nothing when I realize that I am orphaned.

I orphaned myself from a few and few people orphaned me. I do not know who to blame. I definitely try not to blame anyone including me. For I feel one who is so rude to extricate himself out of the setup what the world created, one must not find excuses to push the onus.

I love like mad. Not just people but things in animate too. Not just people whom I know but few strangers who look at me and smile in their own absent minded way. I some times walk behind mothers who carry their infants on their shoulders who are unaware of my trailing behind them. And we start our perpetual game of making faces at each other. Err… I mean… the infant on the mother’s shoulder and me, walking behind. Some times for me it becomes an out of the body experience because I see nothing else than their big eyes and thumbs pushed deep in to their hungry mouths without loosing an iota of interest in me.

I do not look presentable. I have this long hair that’s so uncontrollably curly. But that works fine with those little angels. May be they hero worship me knowing about their own bald pates. While grownups hate me for I look a barbarian from prehistoric cave. I started hating something vehemently what became a norm in society. I started hating people who are shallow enough to see how one looks and make judgments there of. I concluded that I must never allow anyone who has this propensity to be anywhere near me. Being a marketing professional it’s the greatest paradox. What I could not do in offering a best impression crumbles right after I open my mouth. I am very straight to the point sweeping unwarranted diplomacy and sycophancy towards corner where it belongs to and make them see what needs to be seen.

You must have understood by now how unsuccessful I am in my profession… save for those who understood me and fiercely loyal

What loyalty we are speaking of???

I always wondered if there is absolute loyalty. Can anyone be loyal to anyone else other than their own selves??? I feel it’s an inherent fear caused by insecurity. No one can be loyal to anyone in an absolute sense. Half of the life when we are dependent one our family and folk we look towards them and the other half when we feel that we are liberated we look towards those who come in to our lives. And the paradoxes we experienced in between make us that we are loyal towards someone but they are not loyal towards us. That nudges us towards the concept of our loyalty towards our heart.

What loyalty towards our heart????

My eyes fill with tears when I think of this. May be that’s because of the unjust rewards I was offered by life in the name of loyalty. But funnily I must be calling them unjust rewards because they were not appealing to me. Which makes me loyal towards my heart and hence my ego. Love is something that never came in my life the way it must have…

It goes back to the concepts given in religion, mythology and folklore. That when one thinks of being in love they think of nothing else than. The way god made Eden, Adam and Eve… and bade them only to love each other. But the real word demands so many other things so intensely that even if one longs for love they tend to look away one way or the other. My point is to isolate love towards love only… not towards anything that’s not love. Lots of assumptions like independency, societal obligations, and moral compatibility guide love towards a twisted path and make one go haywire. I feel other than love everything else has to be handled on their own individual capacities.

But is it possible???

I do not know…

Hey… What’s wrong with me??? … Sorry guys… I am a little disoriented….

That’s OK

Plunge the dagger deep in heart
Twist a little right
Slice swift in smooth arc
To ensure my eyes see dark night
Fret not of my pain
It’s as hollow as life in vain
Smile sweetly the… to kindle hope’s light
I wonder no more at all that I bled
Empty is my heart with no life inside
And none can steal my love with slicing knives
She hurt me… She hurt me not…
But I am ripping the rose petals
Rose cries mute… but utter not

Her Anger

She stamps her feet in ager
Screams her lungs in fury
I kissed in fear… But she stepped not back

Goodbye.... Sweet Heart

Falling petals of a ravaged rose
Smudged words on a crumpled letter
Silent agony of a soulful song
Misty eyes… Gusty winds…
Is this… out of what I must make life best???
Through moments eternal… I built my love nest
I wipe my eyes to see her clear…
Smiles I must dispense as she heads to her glory
May god bless her…
May my soul rest in peace…